While couples are trying to conceive, sex can have some difficulties depending on various steps they have to take. For some couples, trying is very easy and they quickly become pregnant. For other couples, trying to conceive becomes a difficult task that has the potential to harm a couples’ sex life.
How does conception challenge a sex life? For some couples, the male begins to
experience some performance problems.
This can occur for many reasons. First, sex has previously been for fun alone.
During conception, suddenly there is more pressure to perform and deliver.
Anytime sex is pressured, it will have an effect on the performance. This pressure
can cause erectile dysfunction and/or delayed ejaculation.
Another reason for performance problems is that for a long period the couple might have been in the mindset of avoiding pregnancy. While logically the couple has made the switch to conceive, that does not mean that a man’s body has gotten used to the idea. I have had some clients who stated it took them a while to get used to having sex without condoms or without attempting to pull out.
Another challenge that couples can face is sex feeling routine or even boring. This can happen because couples start performing sex in the same way again and again over a long period of time. The longer a couple takes to conceive, the larger the toll it takes on the relationship.
Not only is there high pressure to perform, but couples forget to incorporate doing fun things such as foreplay or variety. Sex becomes completely about getting to orgasm so they can potentially conceive. At times, couples aren’t even in the mood when they are having sex. Over time, if this pattern repeats often, a couple’s sex life can suffer.
How can couples keep
a good sex life while trying to conceive?
1) Take
breaks. For many couples, it takes a while to conceive. For example, try to
conceive for three months, then take one month off and just have sex for
pleasure. Repeat this pattern several times if necessary.
2) Take
time for other kinds of affection daily such as kissing, hugging, cuddling,
massages, flirting, etc.
3) Experiment.
Since you know you will be having sex for several days in a row, find ways to
vary up each experience. Include toys in one session. Do a little role playing
in the next session. Do some oral sex in the third session. Try your best to
keep the fun in your sex life.
4) Have
sex when you aren’t ovulating. A good sex life is about both quantity and
quality. Keep things going even when there is no potential to conceive.
5) Get
help. If you start to feel as though your relationship is feeling disconnected,
seek support from a Marriage Therapist or Sex Therapist.
While having a child is a great goal, keeping a healthy marriage is an
important part of the process. I have seen too many couples succeed at having a
child only to watch as their marriages crumble. Your future kids learn about
relationships by watching how you two work to keep that marriage strong.
Angela Skurtu is the owner of St. Louis Marriage Therapy, LLC, a private practice that focuses in couples and sex therapy. She also speaks at several businesses and conferences throughout the year. To make an appointment, call 314-973-7997 or visit www.therapistinstlouis.com.
