I’ve never tried anal sex. What is a good way to start?

First, decide whether or not you truly want to try this. Not every relationship requires this to have a good sex life. Make sure you’re doing it because you want to try it not because you feel like you have to. The best way to try this out is to first have a conversation with your partner about what you want to do, how you would like to try it, and what you need from them to feel safe and taken care of. It can also be helpful if you experiment by yourself before trying this out with a partner.

Before starting anal sex it is important to be very horny. Don’t go straight into anal. This will make the experience more enjoyable. You should spend plenty of time on foreplay such as kissing, touching, oral sex, possibly vaginal sex to start, sharing fantasies, and other types that really get you in the mood. Make sure the anus is clean before getting started.

When you are very horny and ready to try out some anal play, start by touching softly around that area on the outside of the anus with a finger, tongue, or a very small butt plug. This will help you get comfortable and get the nerve endings in the anus firing. Be very direct with your partner, let them know how fast to go, when it’s okay to insert something, and remember to relax.

Next, insert either a pinky finger or a small butt plug. Be sure the finger or butt plug is well lubricated as the anus does not have its own lubrication system. Silicone lubricant can be very helpful as it lasts longer. However, use water based lubricant if using silicone toys.

If it gets painful, it’s perfectly fine to ask to stop and do something else. You may also ask your partner to slow down so you can relax, or even to stimulate another area during anal penetration to make it feel better. It can be very sexy to stimulate the clitoris or the penis at the same time you are engaging in anal play.

If you had fun with the smaller object, you can slowly work towards bigger objects, but not in the same session. It is good to get used to the smallest object and slowly work your way up to bigger objects such as a penis. When you do start using a penis, it can be helpful to start out on top. This way you can control the intensity of the movements, how quickly the penis is inserted, and it helps open up the rectum more naturally.

Remember that while anal sex can be a fun piece of your sex relationship, you should still have a wide variety of other options.

For more information or to make an appointment, please contact Angela Skurtu at 314-973-7997 or www.TherapistinStLouis.com.