What are the causes and treatments for vaginal dryness?

There are a variety of causes for vaginal dryness. Some of the causes could include differing estrogen levels after menopause, cancer treatments, child birth, certain medications and even a lack of foreplay. If you are experiencing vaginal dryness, here are a few tips for how to treat this problem.

1)      Use a lubricant daily to soften the vaginal walls. This can be inserted with your fingers or with the help of a baster. Rub the lubricants around the first 2 to 3 inches of the vaginal entrance (avoiding the urethra). Lubricants that can be used include olive oil, cold pressed coconut oil, or a water based lubricant such as Astroglide or ID.

2)      During sex, use a water based lubricant to make sure the penis is easily inserted. Rub the lubricant around your partner’s penis and around the opening to the vagina. 

3)      If you use these lubricants, and you are still experiencing problems, you can ask your doctor for a prescription. The most common prescriptions prescribed include: Vaginal Estrogen Ring (Estring), Vaginal Estrogen Tablet (Vagifem), and Vaginal Estrogen Cream (Estrace, Premarin).

4)      A helpful resource for learning more about pain during sex is the book “When Sex Hurts,” by Goldstein and Pukol.

5)  Finally, getting a combination of treatment from a Pelvic Floor Physical Therapist, a Sex Therapist, and a Urologist/Gynecologist is the most effective course of treatment for pain during sex.

To make an appointment, call Angela Skurtu, M.Ed., LMFT at 314-973-7997 or www.therapistinstlouis.com.

Can you overuse a vibrator?

Vibrators alone cannot become addictive. However, if used consistently in place of a romantic relationship, one could be accused of vibrator overuse. In these cases, a partner is usually asking for more physical intimacy to be shared rather than relying on solo-sex with a vibrator.

Vibrators can be an excellent enhancement to your love making. For many women, the vibrator can allow orgasm to happen when it previously was not occurring. It is important to find ways to incorporate your partner in the use of a vibrator. 

If you would like to introduce vibrators, talk to your partner about what he/she would be interested in. Next, stop by a sex store or visit a website and research some of the possible tools available. For people who are confused by the whole process, host a pure romance party to learn about different vibrators and how they are used.

Finally, make a plan to introduce the vibrator into your next sexual experience. Be clear with your partner about what feels good and what does not. Try it out on yourself and on your partner as well. After the experience, communicate about what you would like to see happen again and things that felt uncomfortable.  Adjust your use the next time based on what you discussed.

The important thing is to use a vibrator as a piece of your sex life rather than the primary tool you rely on to use. It is important to find a variety of ways to use your bodies and your fantasies as a means for achieving pleasure and possible orgasm.

For more information or to make an appointment, please contact Angela Skurtu at 314-973-7997 or visit www.TherapistinStLouis.com.

Sometimes I don’t get orgasms with my partner, is this normal?

Yes, it is normal. It is not necessary to have an orgasm in order to have good sex. It is necessary to have the ability to accept differences in you and your partner’s sexual response. Both males and females experience sex in different ways. You can enjoy sex by being present and enjoying the moment whether or not either of you has an orgasm.

It is important to have a dialogue about what is going on when you are not having an orgasm. Many individuals find it helpful to say directly, “Let’s make tonight about you,” when they know they aren't going to have an orgasm. Other things to say can include, “I want to enjoy the sex for what it is and it’s okay if I don’t get to orgasm this time.” In the first scenario, the person is not interested in being the focus of attention and may just not be in the mood to do all the work to get an orgasm. In the second scenario, someone may be enjoying the act of sex but not able to get to the next level during this sexual experience.  Both options are fine as long as both partners are happy with what they are doing. Talking about it ahead of time can also be helpful. In a less stressful time couples can discuss sex more directly.

If you never feel like you are getting orgasms with your partner, this is likely going to be a problem long term. In order to get better orgasms: experiment with yourself. Learn what it takes to make you have an orgasm. Try this with your hand first instead of a vibrator because it is difficult to mimic the movements of a vibrator with a hand or tongue.

Then invite your partner in. Show your partner how you like to be touched by having them watch first. Then, have him/her put their hand over your hand as you explore yourself. This gives them an idea of how to practice touching you. Remember to be direct with them and tell them exactly what feels good. After some practice, your partner should be able to give you some orgasms.

Some helpful books to reference about getting orgasms include Becoming Orgasmic by Julia Heiman, For Yourself by Lonnie Barbach, and The Guide to Getting it On by Paul Joannides.

For more information or to make an appointment, please contact Angela Skurtu at 314-973-7997 or visit St. Louis Marriage Therapy, LLC.