Marriage Therapist to Host Interactive Event “Sex, Wine, and Chocolate: Every Taboo in One Night!”

Marriage Therapist Angela Skurtu invites St. Louis singles and couples to the event “Sex, Wine, and Chocolate: Every Taboo in One Night!” Learn tips and tricks to keep the spark alive in your romantic relationships.

ST. LOUIS, MO, (May 1, 2013)—Ever wonder how to bring up new ideas in the bedroom?  St. Louis Marriage Therapy, LLC announces “Sex, Wine, and Chocolate,” on June 28, 2013, a fun, interactive event that delves into conversation about getting the sex you want! Tickets can be purchased at http://sexwineandchocolate.eventbrite.com/.

“Sex may only be 10% of your relationship,” says Angela Skurtu, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and owner of St. Louis Marriage Therapy, “but if it’s not good, it can become 90% of the problems in a relationship.” Skurtu’s current research focuses on sexless marriages, which are defined as ones in which a couple has sex less than 10 times a year. To understand the complexity of a sexless marriage, it is important to first address what makes for a healthy sex life in a long-term relationship. A whole array of life circumstances, including children, moving, grief, illness, weight gain, and medication can all impact desire or performance.

“Good sex long term involves a variety of factors: playfulness, eroticism, excitement, adventure, closeness, love, and respect,” says Skurtu. But difficulties in sexual desire or performance can lead to tiptoeing around delicate subjects, leaving one or both partners feeling shame, frustration, and eventually withdrawing. We know that being fully engaged with the occasional mind blowing orgasm creates a good sexual experience for either party. So where do couples go wrong?

“One of the factors I have seen in my practice is a breakdown in communication-either lack of a sexual language entirely or a sexual language that is critical rather than encouraging. When communication difficulties are connected with shame, I see relationships that lead toward sexless marriages,” says Skurtu.

Sometimes shame enters the relationship because people have been given very shameful messages about sex from an early age. This leads to difficulty creating a positive relationship with sex later in life. Another factor that contributes to a lack of communication and shame is when one of the partners struggles with a personal problem that is linked to sex. These problems may include erection problems, pain during sex, problems achieving orgasm, a disability that affects sexual function, or a life event.

“For a couple struggling with one of these events,” says Skurtu, “Not only will they avoid sex, they will avoid talking about the issue or feel extreme shame when their partner finds out about the problem.” This leads into an avoidance pattern where each partner keeps information to themselves, rather than bringing up a topic that is completely embarrassing. When sex becomes a problem in a relationship, it is often a complex problem for couples to resolve on their own.

Skurtu created the event Sex, Wine, and Chocolate http://sexwineandchocolate.eventbrite.com/ for a date night or a girls’ night out. Individuals who attend will learn valuable tips for how to keep the romance in their relationship long term. The highlight of the night is the anonymous question and answer section. Individuals are given index cards where they can write anonymous questions for Skurtu to answer as a part of her presentation. No subject is too taboo!

“I am always surprised at how detailed the questions get. It is a great opportunity to get answers about sex without worrying about what other people will think of you,” says Skurtu.  “If you want a better sex life, don’t just wait: do something about it. Everyone deserves a happy, healthy sex life.”  And what better way to rekindle your romance than with a little wine and chocolate?

For more information about this event or to purchase tickets, contact Angela Skurtu at 314-973-7997 or visit St. Louis Marriage Therapy at www.TherapistinStLouis.com.

How does alcohol affect sex?

Alcohol has varying effects depending on the amount, frequency and gender of the person drinking. With small portions of alcohol (1-3 beers, glasses of wine, etc.), men and women alike have reported feeling more sexy or interested in sex. However, with increased consumption of alcohol (3 to 4+), people report it has negative affects on performance. For example, some men report getting "whiskey dick" when they drink too much.

Other couples have struggled with connecting intimately without alcohol if they used alcohol in the beginning to connect sexually. Since alcohol reduces inhibitions, some couples who are very shy about sex struggle to find ways to initiate when alcohol is not involved. This can lead to resentments long term.

The best case scenario is to limit your drinking and to vary your sexual experiences so that they do not all happen during alcohol consumption. This way, a couple can feel connected but not have to worry too much about lack of ability or feeling like "we only have sex when we drink." If you are concerned that your partner may have a drinking problem, it is best to seek help from a professional.

To make an appointment, please call 314-973-7997 or visit St. Louis Marriage Therapy, LLC.

Do most people with abnormal sexual behaviors have obsessive compulsive disorder?

This is a difficult question. What is considered normal or abnormal is subjective given the person who is answering the question. The DSM-IV-TR lists a set of paraphilias that is considered by the medical community as problematic sexual behavior. However, there is even debate among professionals and the population as to whether some of the paraphilias should even be listed such as Masochism and Sadism, as people in the BDSM community would explain that this is a lifestyle and/or a normal sexual variation.

First, we must define what is healthy sexuality. The briefest definition is that sex is a consensual act between adults. Beyond that, the possibilities are limitless as long as each person involved is comfortable with the acts that are taking place.

What makes sex abnormal or problematic? In the mental health community, we consider the following questions: 1) Is it creating harm in your relationship(s)? 2) Is it creating harm in your work/school environment and/or possibly preventing you from participating in daily tasks? 3) It is causing emotional/psychological harm or is it causing a client distress? If the behavior fits in these categories, it can be helpful to seek a counselor to address the problem.

Examples of problematic sexual behaviors that therapists work with include: 1) sex or porn addicts: 2) people whose sexual experience is limited to paraphilias and their partner is not comfortable with these types of sexual expression; 3) people who are engaging in sexual acts without the other party's consent; 4) people affected by sexual abuse who struggle in their current sexual relationship; 5) people who have affairs (This is not an exhaustive list of all problematic behaviors).

There are various reasons why people engage in problematic sexual behaviors. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is just one factor among many that can contribute to problematic behaviors.

For more information or to make an appointment, please call 314-973-7997 or visit St. Louis Marriage Therapy, LLC.

Does every woman have a g-spot?

There is much debate about this topic in the literature. One of the reasons this is important to people is that some women struggle to find their own g-spot and get orgasms while stimulating the g-spot. To answer this question, we need to look at two things-Physiology of the vagina and the differences in what creates orgasm for women.

To start with the physiology, the g-spot can be found about 2 inches inside the vagina at the front wall. It is soft tissue located close to the prostate. For women who do experience g-spot orgasms, inserting two fingers and using the come hither motion towards the front wall can help to create an orgasm in some women.

However, not all women report that they experience g-spot orgasms. Some women state that stimulation in this area makes them feel like they need to pee. This is because the area is closely located to the bladder. Other women and men complain that despite numerous attempts to stimulate this area, they do not experience orgasm.

Many women cannot achieve orgasm without clitoral stimulation. If you have struggled to experience orgasm with the g-spot, it is best to use techniques that focus on the clitoris. In fact, recent research has suggested that the g-spot may just be an extension of the clitoris, as the clitoris extends well beyond the small tip that can be seen by the naked eye.

In order to get an orgasm, don't focus too much on what other people say should work. Explore your own body initially, and find out which touches cause a response. Every woman is different in what works for her. Create a setting that makes you feel comfortable and erotic. Take time to fantasize and work together with your partner to create an excellent sexual experience. What is most important is to find out what works for you and be fully present in the moment.

For more information, or to set an appointment, please contact St. Louis Marriage Therapy, LLC at 314-973-7997.