How often should a couple have sex monthly?

The answer to this question can be somewhat complex. It depends on each individual's desire level, the couple's agreed upon frequency, and if both partners feel sexually fulfilled with the frequency they have agreed upon.

Each individual's desire is very different depending on a variety of factors: hormonal levels, health and energy, age, illness and disability. In addition to these individual factors, relational factors can affect frequency as well. Relational factors can include how often each partner initiates, levels of romantic connection, flirtations, relationship satisfaction, and a couple's ability to negotiate for their needs and desires in a positive way.

There can be outside factors that affect frequency as well. Some of these factors include general level of stress, work loads, having young children in the home, having parents or roommates living in the home, and any other outside factors that sometimes get in the way of a frequent sex life.

With all of these factors in mind, here is the answer. Some couples are having sex once a day. Some couples are having sex 3 to 4 times a week. Some couples are having sex 1 to 2 times a week. Some couples have sex 1 or 2 times every 2 weeks. Some couples have sex once a month. Some couples have sex 6 times a year or less.

With these various numbers in mind, what you personally need to do is identify how often you prefer to have sex so you at least have an idea of what would make you happy. After identifying your baseline, then talk to your partner about what their frequency would be.

If you both are at a similar frequency, then the next step is to come up with some ideas for how to initiate sex more frequently with each other. For example, one person can dress really sexy and dance for their partner. In another example, couples can say something suggestive like, "You want to head upstairs? You might get lucky!"

If you both are at a different frequency, then it is a good idea to discuss what compromise might make you both happy. For example, If one person likes sex once weekly while the other person likes it every day, maybe you can compromise with 3 times weekly, or 2 times weekly with one wild card activity such as making out, oral sex, etc.

If you are compromising down for your partner, then in between in those times, find ways to please yourself through masturbation. Not all sex is meant to be between a couple. There will be different times in your life where you are not on the same page about frequency of sex. This does not mean you cannot enjoy sex at a frequency you desire as long as you are willing to fulfill your own needs in addition.

Ultimately, the frequency of sex doesn't matter as long as both partners are both happy and committed to fulfilling each other's sexual needs and desires within reason.

Angela Skurtu is the author of Pre-Marital Counseling: A Guide for Clinicians. She is also the owner of St. Louis Marriage Therapy, LLC a private practice that focuses on adults, couples and sex therapy. For more information call 314-973-7997 or visit www.therapistinstlouis.com.