Back to Basics-Part II Kissing

Kissing is truly an art form. There are a variety of ways to kiss that can be both enticing, encouraging, loving, and connecting. Yet I repeatedly hear that my clients either barely kiss at all or if they do it is usually a only quick pecks. What is even more surprising is how many clients say they avoid kissing during sex. When I think about what gets people into the mood for sex, my automatic thought is foreplay. Kissing is a major aspect of foreplay.

What are the benefits of kissing? First off, there are not many people we are allowed to kiss in general. It is a special gift you share between the most intimate people in your life. Some people only will kiss their partners. So, if you have a person you can kiss, take advantage of it.

Secondly, kissing releases chemicals in the body (oxytocin) that help us to feel close and connected. There are nerve endings in the lips that fire when we kiss, especially when we kiss passionately. If you want more sex, you need more passionate kissing. Thirdly from a biological perspective, kissing may provide some protection against bacteria and infection. Your body develops immunity through exposure to each other’s germs.

How do you vamp up your kissing? Start by researching the types of kissing out there. There are different ways to vary things up. You can vary the pace, wetness, pressure, location (meaning both where in your environment and where on your body), and length of time.

Some people prefer long wet kisses with lots of tongue curling while other s prefer softer, delicate kisses with just a hint of tongue. There is no perfect way to kiss, but it is important to learn how to kiss in different ways that make both you and your partner feel good.

A fun game to learn with a partner is to play “Kiss me the way you like to be kissed.” In this game the first player kisses the second exactly how player one would prefer to be kissed. Player two will then mimic this kiss on their partner. Next you switch roles and repeat the exercise learning about player two’s favorite style of kiss.

If neither you, nor your partner knows what types of kisses you like, then do some experimentation. Start with a long peck while embracing. Next, try short, quick pecks around the neck or on the lips. Notice the difference and make a note of what you like.

When the tongue is added, start with a slow exploration of your partner’s mouth. Start out shallow and see how your partner responds. Explore their lips with your tongue. Some people bite very lightly on the bottom lip. If you choose to use your teeth, be careful and stick with nibbles rather than hard bites-unless your partner requests it or shows interest.

You can also explore their mouth deeper as the kissing progresses. Be careful not probe the mouth uncomfortably deep and leave room for breathing every now and again. About halfway into the mouth can be a pretty good depth. The tongues can roll across each other, or take on a light sucking. The best part is to mix things up-you don’t have to stay on one motion for the entire time.

Finally, find a way kiss daily whether or not sex is involved. Kissing improves intimacy and helps get the juices flowing. It also shows your partner you desire them.  

Angela Skurtu owns St. Louis Marriage Therapy, LLC, a private practice that focuses in couples and sex therapy. For more information or to make an appointment, contact 314-973-7997 or visit www.TherapistinStLouis.com.