The most common form of sex education used these days is abstinence only sex education. Several local schools in the St. Louis area tout that they have a great program that encourages teenagers to be abstinent until marriage. The only problem is that research shows that abstinence only programs don't work. Why?
Many teenagers, whether we like it or not, will have sex before getting married. While it is a great ideal to wait until marriage, the vast majority of adults report that they did not wait. The trouble with an abstinence only program is that it doesn't teach kids how to protect themselves from STDs or unwanted pregnancies. It only teaches them to avoid sex.
What this creates is a complete lack of understanding about what factors cause STDs such as oral sex, anal sex, and vaginal sex without condoms. Many teenagers will not ask their parents for condoms and then engage in these activities without any protection. This has lead to teens in St. Louis having one of the highest rates of STDs in the country. We also have a high number of unwanted teen pregnancies for this reason.
The hard fact is that in addition to encouraging teenagers to wait, we really need to teach them how to be safe as well. Your teens will have sex whether you like or not, and isn't better to prevent unnecessary harm?
To think about this differently, do you remember when you were teaching your child to ride a bicycle? Did you give them a helmet to wear? By giving your child a helmet, you weren't saying to your child, "I support you getting into an accident. Go! Ride recklessly into the night!" Of course you don't support accidents. You still taught your kid how to ride and be safe, but you gave the helmet for just in case something happened.
The same could be said for condoms and birth control. Giving your kids these items does not mean, "Hey, I support you having a bunch of reckless sex. Go forth and enjoy your new found freedom!" No, you are still responsible for teaching your kids how to be safe, how to make the best choice for themselves, and how to decide when the time is right for them. However, you also give them a helmet (or condom) for just in case. Because your teen may not tell you when they do decide to have sex. An wouldn't it be better if they were protected just in case?
Angela Skurtu, M.Ed., LMFT is the owner of St. Louis Marriage Therapy, LLC, a private practice that offers couples and sex therapy. To make an appointment, call 314-973-7997 or visit www.TherapistinStLouis.com.
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