A lot of people have fetishes for different things. For example, ever since "50 Shades of Grey," came out, a lot of women have told me they are interested in a man being dominant with them in the bedroom. Now granted, not every woman is interested in dating a jerk like the main character Mr. Grey-how shall I say-serious commitment issues!
So how do you bring up the idea of dominance or any other fetish with your partner in a palatable way? For starters, if you liked a scene in that book or any other book for that matter, ask your partner to read that small clip. Once he or she has read it, have a discussion about what specifically you liked in that segment.
What you will find is that you and your partner will likely be drawn to different segments of the scene. Don't despair! Just learn about your differences and point out the specific things you like about it. Then have a conversation about what pieces you could try in the bedroom. If your partner is willing, that is a great step!
Next, practice it a few times. Do not expect it to go perfectly the first few times you try it! In fact, expect it to go completely different and even screw up a little bit. Be willing to laugh and learn. Just like when you first rode a bicycle, you didn't magically ride it perfectly with no mistakes. You fumbled a little, you might have scraped your knee even. Respect the process and you will get much better at it.
Over time, you will get better at adding this idea and others. And finally, remember that any fetish should be a piece of the sexual cake, not the entire cake. Everyone needs variety and it gets old if every time you have sex there is only one way to do so. Enjoy!
Angela Skurtu, M.Ed., LMFT is the owner of St. Louis Marriage Therapy, LLC. Call 314-973-7997 or visit www.TherapistinStLouis.com to make an appointment.
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