What does healthy sex look like? Part 2.

To continue, another factor in healthy sexuality is shared values. Both people involved have discussed what they enjoy and have agreed upon what sexual acts they will engage in as a group. This is often a work in progress as people change across time. Sexual interests and desires change. The expectation is that couples bring up these changes and discuss ways they can either incorporate new sexual ideas or compromises they are willing to make.

Another important factor is non-exploitation. Sex should not be used as a punishment or means for manipulation. For example, if one person is not in the mood, they can ask to wait for sex, and their partner will not punish them by being mean, ignoring them, or basically making life miserable. However, it is common for people to feel rejected, and it is okay to express hurt or disappointment. The key idea here is that being hurt is NOT a justification for rude behavior.

Other factors to consider with sexual exploitation include prison populations or people in one-down relationships. A prisoner cannot consent to sex with a prison guard because the nature of the relationship is exploitative. In a similar vein, therapists are not to have sex with clients and teachers are not supposed to have sex with students because there is a power dynamic that prevents clear consent. 

Another important factor in healthy sexuality is mutual pleasure. Both parties are enjoying the act even if their goals are different. For example, a woman may have sex to feel close to her partner, while her partner may be having sex because he likes the feeling of orgasm. Both goals are fine as long as each person is enjoying the experience.

Finally, both parties are protected from any unwanted pregnancy or STDs. Other than these above factors, most sex acts in between are perfectly fine. Sexuality is a gift that can be embraced and enjoyed. It does not matter whether a person has a strange fetish, or weird sexual interest. These days, the internet is providing a great opportunity for people with unique sexual interests to find one another. Ultimately, do what makes you happy within the context of healthy sexuality. If you are not sure, do some research or talk to a sex therapist to learn more about healthy sex.

To make an appointment, contact Angela Skurtu at 314-973-7997 or visit www.TherapistinStLouis.com.